Monday, 7 November 2016

Lost....

Between the spaces, where the soul wander in its wild-goose chase for the moments of happiness.

In a tug of war between the mind and the heart, to believe all of it or none of it.

At that place which the heart once inferred as home.

In the dilemma to accept everything as it is or strive to breakthrough. Atleast once.

While searching water by chasing the mirage and leaving behind those who love unconditionally no matter what.

While yearning for the warmth and love of mother’s hug and father’s care.

In those lonely sleepless nights, when there is no one to calm the restless mind and put to sleep.

In the attempts to love and hold on to someone who doesn’t even care.
 

Friday, 19 August 2016

Destiny...

You dream of the wonderful years. The magic which life seems to hide in its hand behind the back and you look into its eyes curiously like a child, with the faith, that soon it will unveil its wonders for you.

But who are you to decide it? One day the destiny engulfs you. Unexpectedly. Abruptly. You struggle for a while to break free, to go to the place; you know you will be free; only to find that such place no more exists. You strive for the way out. You bang on each door you know. You cry. You shout. You curse and then, you stop doing anything. Your silence mocks at you, for you don't even realise that something inside you died. You stop living. You stop loving, for you know people around you either hate you or are indifferent about your existence. You start questioning your values, your thoughts and even your faith! You realise you are being used. You see yourself diminishing to a person you hate. You suffocate yourself, kill your self-esteem for the people who don't even love you. You start feeling helpless. You stop reading because suddenly the fictional world makes you more gloomy and sad, for you now know that it’s too good to be true.

Once in a while you see yourself and the vulnerability scares the guts out of you. You hate to see the person you have become so you take the easy way out. You just breathe. You just exist. You stop introspecting. You stop thinking like you once loved to. For hours. You fall into the void where you can’t see your darkness, the insecurities surrounding you lately, the hatred you see in people's eyes.

And you survive! Really.


Thursday, 30 June 2016

Time brings roses :)

The life we write on the moments borrowed from each other;

I bury them safely deep in my soul.

So that when the time brings with it some more such roses;

Of varied beautiful colors along with some more smiling faces,

And still;

If my heart craves for more,

I can relive these moments a hundred thousand times;

With the gleaming eyes seeing through the peep hole of my soul;

And thinking:

This is where it all started.

The beginning of a beautiful forever :)




Friday, 1 April 2016

Fiction...

That vital part of me that completes me, All of me, None of me, Full of me yet void of me. You.

Naive. Foolish. Stupid. Us. We think we can forget and live on. Breath on. Go on. Inane idiots. We.

We thought we could rewrite history. In a better way. And alter happily ever afters. In some other world. In some other ways. Imperfect, young, silly us.

The days turn to months and the years pass on. The memories remain right there. To return time and again. And hit and knock us down. When one least expect it. Like beautiful sea which brings Tsunami.

That feeling of being perfectly right and then realizing, not so much.

That smile and laughter which no more comes with the same ease. Yet, we do because we know no other way. To exist. To live. To be.

The stories. Vague. Happy. Tragic. Perfect. Incomplete. The marvel, how can I love them when they are not real. The characters I fall in love with when I read. The excitement to narrate it and the way I want to change or end the story. My world. Our world. A bit strange now. Like I never knew it before the way I see it now. Alone.

The thunderstorm. The rains. The dreams. The nightmares. Prayers that are answered instantly and the only one which wasn't. For worse. For better. We will never know. Or we will feign indifference even if we do. 

The incomplete half of us. Less of you more of me. Worst of you best of me. Trapped together. To remain. No matter where we go or what we do. Beautiful yet unaccomplished.

The bright twinkling eyes replaced by new lights. Overpowering shadows.of endless tomorrows and not-so-forgetful yesterdays. Still pulling the heartstrings like the longing for home. Always.

The futile efforts to not remember that the world we read about existed. Ever. Though in our mind. Though for a while.

And  in some parallel universe we exist. Where we are the world we created and lived in. Forever. 

Because who the hell knows how long the forever lasts! 


Friday, 8 January 2016

Faith and Trust and Pixie dust.

"I don't think that we're meant to understand it all the time. I think that sometimes we just have to have faith." - Nicholas Sparks, A Walk to Remember.

Fear. Of not knowing. Of not comprehending. Of not being sure. Of us.

Numbness. Of uncertainty. Of irreversible decisions. Of tomorrows. Of confusions. 

Anxiety. Of leaving the known. Of accepting the unfamiliar. Of pressure to fit in. Of insecurities. Of the unwanted solitary feeling.

Realization. Of the immensity of the choices made. Of the gravity, of the twists and turns life is going to take. Of the patience it demands. Of having to face life alone. For the first time.

Hopes. Of being fine. Of the tranquil tomorrows. Of contentment. Of perfectly bright days and fairy lights. Of undefiled love. Smiles. And laughter. Of  blending in. Easily.

Faith. That though I can't put my prayers into words he will listen through my heart. That he will answer.  In time. Forever and always. That he will fix everything broken and incomprehensible. That he is and will always be there for me.